Court Confessions: The Surprising Human Truths Revealed Through Pickleball

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In this episode of Pickleball and Partnership, Charlotte shares 10 profound insights about human nature gleaned from playing pickleball. 

Describing the game as a social experiment, she highlights how pickleball brings out diverse personalities and emotions such as competition, joy, resilience, and vulnerability. 

Key lessons include the importance of kindness over skill, the surprising abilities of seemingly unassuming players, and how laughter serves as a universal language. The episode also explores the struggles with self-doubt, the impact of ego, the nuances of unsolicited advice, and authentic reactions under pressure. 

Lastly, it underscores the unexpected friendships formed and the universal desire for belonging, encapsulating the game as a microcosm of life.

00:00 Introduction to Pickleball and Partnership

00:08 The Social Experiment of Pickleball

01:44 Personal Growth Through Pickleball

03:43 10 Lessons from Pickleball

05:17 Kindness Over Skill

09:05 People Will Surprise You

10:59 Laughter is a Universal Language

12:27 Different Definitions of Fun

13:32 Struggles with Self-Doubt

18:29 Egos and Pickleball

24:48 Unsolicited Advice

28:56 True Colors Under Pressure

33:19 Unexpected Friendships

36:15 The Need to Belong

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Music: Purple Planet Music
Thanks to Purple Planet Music for Pickleball & Partnership Intro and Outro music Purple Planet Music is a collection of music written and performed by Chris Martyn and Geoff Harvey.

Transcript

 Welcome to this episode of Pickleball and Partnership. 10 things I've Learned about People through playing Pickleball. Pickleball isn't just a game, it's actually a social experiment in motion. I've come to realise that pickleball is a social experiment in disguise. Think about it. Every time we step onto the court, we enter this tiny, fast paced world filled with different personalities and backgrounds and quirks.

In one game, you can witness competition, teamwork, frustrations, joy,  people's egos, resilience, and even unexpected friendships. You can see confidence and insecurity play out together, 

I find it absolutely fascinating. , you are paired up with people that you've never met before and here you are communicating through body language and different strategies depending on how experienced both players are. And sometimes pure chaos. In fact, a lot of the time, pure chaos. And you really get to see how people react under pressure, how they handle losing.

I know I've had to work on that, how they celebrate winning. , some people really celebrate big and that's not always an easy pill to swallow when you are on the losing team. and how other people treat people around them, whether it's their own teammates or it's opponents. I. And what's most interesting, I think, is that I have really started to see myself more clearly too.

I've really noticed my own habits, my own reactions to things. I've become more aware of my own strengths and.  More importantly, my own insecurities. And I've really, as I've become aware of my insecurities on a deeper level, I've been able to really get to understand them, have compassion for them, lean into them, and.

Then be able to work with them so that I've really discovered a deeper level of personal growth. Absolutely. I can see how much I crave encouragement and how much I overthink my mistakes, and I realise that whether  I'm playing for the fun of it or whether I'm actually playing and looking for validation at the same time.

So since stepping onto the pickleball court, I've really learned so much more about human nature more than I've learned. More than I've learned in the last sort of over 35 years as a nurse, but definitely I have learn more on top of what I've learnt over the last 35 years in nursing. I've learned more about human beings and competition and teamwork, and even vulnerability, and especially vulnerability.

And some of those lessons have been. Aha moments. Others have been completely frustrating for me, and some have been downright hilarious. But in this episode, I'm sharing 10 things that I've discovered about people through my playing ball. That includes the good, the bad, and the wonderfully unpredictable as well.

And so I just want to talk about how these lessons can apply both on and off the court as well. One of. Our favorite things to do on holiday. When Neil and I go away and  we find that we have more downtime and we relax more, and we tend to sit and chat and while away the time is we like to go somewhere and sit with a

fancy drink, whether that's, the kind with a colorful umbrella in it, or whether it's a tasty latte or something, or a spicy latte. And we love to people watch. And really, pickleball isn't just a game, is it? Really, it's a people watching masterclass and I've learned so much about how people handle different situations, how they handle challenges,  so I think that's why I've become fascinated with watching people on the court because it is  this mini environment this microcosm of. Intensified emotions and situations.

anyway, here we go. Let's dive in.  10 things I've learned about people through playing pickleball. Number one, kindness is more important than skill. And that kindness is actually abundant in so many people, and kindness really makes the game better for everyone.

And all it needs is a simple, hey, nice shot or great effort, or, oh, unlucky, or you were robbed. And that goes a long way. The most enjoyable games that I've had are always. With those people who lift,  each other up whether we win or lose. And the best games aren't always the most competitive.

They're the ones where we are encouraging each other and we are laughing with each other and we genuinely are enjoying ourselves A kind opponent really makes every game so much better. The best partners as well are not always the most skilled. They're the most supportive. I would much rather play with somebody who says, nice try after I mess up, rather than somebody who groans loudly every time I miss a shot or rolls their eyes . That's why I love playing with Neil so much because he is fiercely competitive, but he is so encouraging. Yeah. And he knows when obviously I'm trying and I'm doing my best and I didn't intend to hit the ball into the net, but just that encouraging comment makes all the difference and it makes all the difference to my next shot.  I always remember our middle child, Olivia, when she was a toddler and she was two years old and we were in England and we went into Marks and Spencer's there, and the people that worked in Marks and Spencer's were really quite strict. Or maybe the English was just really quite strict.

But anyway, Olivia was a little bit of our crazy one. She was our crazy redhead and she loved to explore.  One day , we were in Marks and Spencer's and she was climbing on a display. I think there were a couple of mannequins on this display and Olivia thought it would be a good idea to climb up there and stand next to  the mannequins 

 the lady that worked there, came marching over, told us in no uncertain terms that Olivia should not be on the display. Looked at me as though I was the worst mother ever. And gosh I felt scolded completely. And in comparison, I remember moving here to Canada and again, Olivia was.

 She was probably still two. She climbed on everything, and I think we were in Walmart one day and , she'd actually climbed inside one of those circular clothes racks , and she'd climbed inside and she was hanging from the middle of this clothes.

Rack and the lady that worked in Walmart saw her and came over and just laughed with Olivia and held the rack steady and encouraged her to come out and was so kind and I didn't feel awful. Gosh, I was having so much trouble chasing this child around and keeping an eye on her all the time.

What a difference that the kind lady made to me, to Olivia, probably to herself as well, undoubtedly to herself as well. So kindness goes a long way. It is way more important than any skill on the pickleball court that you might have. Number two, people will surprise you. That quiet, unassuming player might actually be an absolute killer shot at the net.

And the person that I've played with who says, oh, I'm not very good. I'm sorry. I apologize. I'm not that great. I haven't been playing for very long. Might actually serve up shots that. Have flabbergasted me. In the past, I've learned never to underestimate anyone. Don't judge a book by its cover because honestly, sometimes the quietest person on the court turns out to be an absolute beast when they start playing.

And just thinking about that, sportsmanship isn't a given    either, because some players will cheer you on even when they're losing and others. I've learned quickly who's playing for fun and who's playing for war. So I think it's important  to realise. That, of course we judge people and we sum them up the minute we see them, but they're not always who we imagine them to be.

And a competitive game can bring out the best or the worst in anybody. Where I've played with people that have been able to stay positive and encouraging even when we are losing, even when perhaps I feel like it's my fault that we are losing, and I've played with people who will blame everything under the sun.

They'll blame the wind, they'll blame the sun.  They'll blame their paddle.  They'll blame the court surface. They'll blame anything except their own mistakes.

So I've learned that people really will surprise me in all kinds of different ways.  Number three, laughter is a universal language. And I think I've talked about in episodes previously about learning to laugh at myself and absolutely that is so important. We have had, oh gosh, I can remember ridiculous rallies where you think there's no way my opponent is going to get that shot back.

And then they do. And then. We are reaching and lunging and running back for the lob. And then your opponent does this face plant on the other side? Yes. Mark, I'm talking to you because you seem to do that every time we play. Throws himself on the ground to get the ball. Or a perfectly timed clashing of paddles, and you can be playing with somebody that you've never met before, a stranger, and immediately you've turned into instant friends because you are laughing about a particular, crazy rally or the face plant, or the fact that we slammed into each other.

Because honestly, if you can laugh at yourself, other people will love you more. Other people will love themselves more and will love playing the game more and will have a better game because of it. We'll have a more fun game. And speaking of fun Number four,  people I have realised do have wildly different definitions of fun because.

For some fun means laughing and trying their best, and for others I've noticed fun means absolutely crushing their opponents. 11. Nothing to absolutely pickle somebody. 11 zero is the best thing they've ever done. And they celebrate like they've just flipping won Wimbledon or something. Yes. Some people do take pickleball very seriously.

You'd think that  they're training for the Olympics  and that their goal is not just to come out and get fit and meet people and have a good time.  I've realised there are some people I play with even as my partner and playing against them that their intensity is, it's inspiring, but it's also a little terrifying as well.  Number five. 

 People struggle with self-doubt more than I think, even the best players I have heard sometimes whisper, I'm not good enough. Or, oh my God, I messed up there. Watching other people battle their own mental blocks really made me realise how common this is. In all aspects of life.

And I think, I'm just going to say this, I'm going to put it out there because I am a woman. And so I'm speaking from a woman's perspective and I know Neil has agreed with me 

he can come on and confirm this in a later episode, but  women are harder on themselves than men. I honestly think all women are hard on themselves.  I haven't met a woman who hasn't been hard on themselves, who hasn't apologized for the way that they're playing.

And I thought that was just me. I thought I was the only one that did that.  I have said sorry so many times when I've missed the ball, and I don't think I've had that many apologies from men. There are men who will apologize for missing a shot. Not that. They need to.

Not that I expect that, but I think as women, we do apologize a lot in all areas of life. But especially on the pickleball court,  I definitely have felt as though I haven't been doing a good enough. Job on the court, and I find that there are times where I become emotionally upset, which infuriates me because I feel like others view that as a weakness, probably because I view that as a weakness that showing emotion is not a strength.

But that would also be my childhood upbringing too. And then when I feel emotional, I feel even more of a failure and it's hard to stay optimistic in that situation. And then the slightest comment can honestly just send me over the edge. And I can be absolutely wanting to just  dissolve into a puddle of tears on the court.

Which I haven't done yet, but I've been close. I think other people's confidence can be deceiving. , I've seen the loudest most. Aggressive player out there, and they're not actually. The most skilled, and they're definitely not the most confident. In fact, I really believe that they're likely the most insecure person out there, and that's why they're being so loud and aggressive and lecturing perhaps.

And so I've really changed my perspective on all people instead of me becoming defensive and challenging them. I have definitely become more compassionate. To giving them the benefit of the doubt .

Seeing it from their perspective, having compassion for maybe what's going on with them, because who knows what happened right before somebody showed up at pickleball. Who knows what's going on in somebody's life, whether there's illness in the family, whether they're grieving all kinds of. Life challenges and we really just never know.

And I am definitely learning to be more compassionate with. Everybody everywhere because we just never know what their story is and obviously something is going on because they wouldn't be acting out the way that they are. So I think that's definitely a lesson that I have learned more so through playing pickleball.

And again, I think it's just because you are. In this very small environment, there are four people playing very closely together, and you see every reaction. You see the look in your opponent's eyes across the net. Not so much in tennis because you're further away, but in pickleball you see that.

You hear the muttering under the breath of your partner or your opponent. So I think it's more apparent in pickleball and  then perhaps just take a time out and say to your opponent, Hey, is everything okay? What do you need from me right now?

So I've learned  don't overestimate somebody else's confidence.

 And don't underestimate somebody else's confidence. . Number six, Egos and pickleball don't mix well. This leads on from the last point, to be honest with you. There's always that one player not in every game, but.

 There's always one player who refuses to admit that they made a bad call or they blame everything except themselves for a lost point.

It's fascinating. It really is. But it's also slightly painful to watch as well. I've met players who think they know everything, and then they're usually the ones that get outplayed by that person who's twice their age or half their size. And that's always fun to watch because, pickleball, let's be real.

Pickleball is an ego check. So is life really. Ego shows up every time we step onto the court and it whispers mine definitely whispers or shouts at me, you should be better than this, or that wasn't your fault. And then ego panics and it says things like, what will they think if I mess up? Ego really makes us crave the win.

And avoid the risk. Avoid taking that step of courage. There's those people that they blame their paddle, they blame their partner, they blame the wind, they blame anything but themselves. I know I have, there have been times where I've thought, oh my gosh, if I had a better paddle, I would play better.

 Or if I'd had something to eat before I got here, my blood sugar would be higher and I would be able to play better. It's crazy the excuses that ego comes up with. But it is our built-in defense mechanism. It's that part of us that craves validation.

It fears failure and it wants to prove something. And whether that's proving something to ourselves or it's proving something to the other people that we are playing with.   So in all sports and especially in pickleball, where every point and every mistake and every win is out there in the open for everyone to see, then ego shows up loud and clear, because whether we realise it or not, many of us subconsciously believe that how well we play.

Has a direct reflection on who we are. It's connected to our self worth, and pickleball is a social sport, so there are always people watching, even if it's our opponents or our partner. I felt embarrassed. I have, I've been utterly embarrassed by missing that easy shot.

And especially when you play tournaments, there are people watching. And of course then there's added pressure. Our ego. It struggles to accept that we are not always in control. 'cause ego likes to drive the car, it likes to be behind the wheel. And we measure our skill against other players and we wonder if we're good enough or we are improving fast enough if we're, getting quicker or becoming more skilled at it.

. We do this in life as well.  We compare ourselves to others all the time. We compare our jobs, our careers, our relationships, our achievements, our children's achievements. I. Everything we're, we are constantly comparing ourselves to other people. And pickleball, I think just gives us , that condensed real time version of,  this constant mental scoreboard that we have and ego hates vulnerability.

It really doesn't want to admit that we aren't perfect, but. I've realised that pickleball like life is a mirror. And how I play pickleball is how I live my life. So when I get defensive on the court, I realise that I've. Definitely got defensive prior to that in, in my relationships, in my marriage,  in my relationships with my children, in my relationships with extended family, in my relationships with friends.

And when I realised that I obsess over winning in pickleball. I realised that I was actually chasing perfection in all other areas of my life as well. And how important to me that perfection or , that illusion of perfection that I was portraying to people around me, how important that was to me.

And. I realised also when I made a mistake, when I missed a shot on the pickleball court. How I, shut down after that, how I started this negative loop of feedback in my brain, and became completely unreceptive to encouragement or, direction for growth or any openness to accept that mistake and learn from it.

And I realised  that was definitely what I was doing in real life as well. And the more I learned to let go of ego, the more I laughed at myself, the more I was able to shake off those missed shots, the more I was able to embrace learning from it and the more free I felt both in the game and beyond the game.

Because, let's face it, pickleball isn't just about hitting a ball. It's about how we handle challenges and failure and relationships and personal growth as well. I.   Number seven,  not everyone who offers advice should be giving it. Some people genuinely want to help you improve. They really do. But others I have learned, just love to hear themselves talk.

 The key for me  is knowing when to smile and nod and completely ignore them. Wasn't it?  The penguins in Madagascar who stood on the side  and said, smile and wave, boys. Smile and wave. And so I, I have that running in my head when I find somebody else is.

Teaching me on the court when they start giving me a lecture about what I should have done with that last shot or where I should have positioned myself on the court. Inside my head I say smile and wave boys, and I think, some people do love to teach. Sometimes it's a bit much. But they do want to be helpful.

They do want you to improve. They can see perhaps a mistake that I've made over and over again,  what I have noticed as a woman.

Men do love to give. Advice, and they do love to give advice to women, and I have noticed that older men do love to give younger women advice. And what the heck is that all about? I do find it quite obnoxious at times. I do find it quite egotistical at times. , ego and pickleball don't mix well, and you do meet players who think they know everything 

I think people are genuinely trying to help. , Neil and I were playing  it was a holiday Monday, and we didn't normally play in this one particular facility, but we had booked to go and play on this holiday Monday during the day, 

it became obvious to us when we got there that it was a group of older people who usually played together during the day, and they all knew each other, and so it was a little bit cliquey, but that was okay. I felt confident because Neil was there too. I. And we did have the opportunity to play together for a couple of games.

And so one particular game, Neil and I were playing together against two older gentlemen, and they were probably in their mid seventies and they were very good pickleball players, but , one of the men kept stopping the game to give me advice. Across the net and it was very irritating. And Neil was very irritated by this, and I think I was crossed with myself because I felt like I should actually have set a boundary and asked him not to do that or to wait until the end of the game.

 I think now I would feel more confident to say something, nicely, maybe this could wait till the end of the game, but I didn't at that time. And anyway, every couple of points he would shout some advice across the net to me not to Neil

and actually we ended up being in a position where we were winning it was   ten seven. At that point we were winning and we have one more point. And Neil was about to serve. And  our opponents, the guys across the net decided to take a timeout.

And this one in particular, who had been  giving the advice, went to change his paddle. Which I thought was very interesting. Anyway, he came back on, he went and got a drink of water. He changed his paddle, he came back on. He obviously was trying to throw us off our rhythm. Anyway, we did end up winning, but I just thought that was very interesting scenario.

, sometimes you just have to let people do what they're going to do and, behave the way they're going to behave and smile and wave. Smile and wave boys. Number eight,  people show their true colors under pressure.

You really get to know someone when the score is nine, nine. And some people thrive. They love the pressure. Some people panic, some people get really quiet. I. Some people blame everything else, as we've already talked about. You could learn a lot about somebody by how they react to losing, to be in a losing position during the game, or how they react at the end of the game.

When they have lost that game, whether they shrug it off, whether they laugh about it, how easily they move on. Do they obsess over every point? Some people do. Some people replay every single point. I don't even remember every single point, but. I've played with some people who want to go over the game and they want to go over every single point and analyze it and 

pull it all apart. Some people immediately start plotting revenge. They're like, okay, we are going to play them again and this time we're going to win. But you really see people's true character when the game doesn't go their way. And I think people who come across as jerks and who act out have this huge insecurity, and just by giving them that little bit of love and compassion can make all the difference 

 There's one guy that we play with more outdoors than indoors. Let's call him Colin.  he. Complains a lot about the weirdest things before we've even started to play, and it used to really irritate me.  I used to get quite defensive about this and challenge him quite a bit.

And if anybody knows me, I guess I can be challenging at times, but one day I went to the court and he was there and I was up to play with him next. And I thought, okay, let's change tack here. 'cause there's obviously, there's a reason, there's a pattern of behavior here.  He goes onto the court and he's never happy and  something is going on with him.

So this one particular day we started to walk towards the court and I think he was complaining about the ball that we were going to play with. And , I said, Hey Colin, you don't seem very happy. What's going on? And we stood there probably only for 30 seconds. And he said, oh yeah, the ball's not the right ball.

We shouldn't be playing with this. And oh, I've had a terrible morning and I rode my bike here and he had a list of things and I just stood there and I listened and, the more he talked and the more he complained, the calmer he got and there was  this look of surprise came across his face that I was still there listening

and I said, okay, do you want to play this game? Do you feel like you're in a good head space to play this game? And he paused and he said yeah, I am actually, okay, let's go do this.  And it was a great game. It was actually  one of the best games that I've ever played with him.

And I thought,  isn't that interesting? I've wrongly been judging this guy to be, rude and obnoxious and grumpy, and there's obviously things going on with him, as there are with people throughout life, but I think sometimes we're in such a hurry and. We rush from one thing to the next and I realised that I wasn't taking time to really be present with people and just to check in with them and see how they were doing at the start of every game.

And that's something that I like to do now. Just check in with people . All it takes is 30 seconds sometimes to just let them vent and then they can move forward and play a great game. And I hope  that people are kind enough to give me that space too, which they are.

And that's another reason I love pickleball as well.  

Number nine.

 Friendships conform in the unlikeliest places. So one of the most beautiful things about pickleball is that it brings together people who might never have crossed paths otherwise.

It's like this magical social equalizer, age, background, career life experience. It doesn't matter. You step onto the court and all of that fades away. You are just players, you're partners, you're competitors, and you're all just figuring it all out together. I've met people on the court. I never would've crossed paths with otherwise.

People who are decades older than me, decades younger than me, people from different backgrounds, people with different life stories. I'll never forget the first time I played with Bob,  he's a 75-year-old retired engineer. I think he actually moves like he's 40 years old. He's incredible and he has this wicked back spin drop shot.

And when I first met. Bob, I assume that we wouldn't have that much in common. We'd play the game,  but, that was it really. He's from a completely different generation. He has a completely different career to mine. He has different life experiences, but.

In between games, and this is what I love about pickleball, we started talking and then, there's the odd game. You sit out and you sit on the side and you're watching the other players, and we were chatting and. Suddenly, I was learning all about his travels. He traveled to so many different places in the world.

I learned  all about his late wife and his grandkids and how he took up pickleball after years of feeling lonely and isolated and now when I. See him, we joke around together, we catch up and we have a joke about who's gonna mess up the first shot. And he reminds me that getting older just means that, he has more time to play and he's, oh, he's amazing.

A really interesting and colorful guy, and I would never have. Come across him or had the time to sit and chat and find out all about him.  Pickleball doesn't care about titles or job descriptions or social circles. It honestly just brings people together and I found that when I open myself up more to it I find that the best connections are found, honestly, in the most unexpected places.

And pickleball really is a social bridge like, like nothing else. And number 10. At the end of the day, people just want to belong. Whether they're competitive or casual in their play, whether they're a serious pickleball player or a silly pickleball player, everybody steps onto that court just wanting to connect, wanting to be seen and feel as though they're part of something bigger than themselves.

And that's what. I wanted from pickleball. That's what I get from pickleball. And really, isn't that just what life is all about?  We're all the same. We all have the same insecurities and self-doubt. And when we believe that we never have to let ego drive the car, we never have to prove ourselves to ourself or to other people because honestly, at the end of the day, people.

They just want to connect. They want to belong, they want to have fun. And they just want to be part of something that's bigger than they are. And honestly, that's what makes this game so special, and that's why I love pickleball.

 Thanks for listening along with me   here are the top 10 things that I've learned about other people since I've been playing the game of pickleball. Number one, kindness over skill. Number two, people will surprise you.

Number three, laughter is a universal language. Number four, there are different definitions of fun. Number five, everyone struggles with self-doubt. Number six, egos and pickleball don't necessarily go together. Number seven, unsolicited advice. Number eight. People's true colors under pressure. Number nine, unexpected friendships, and number 10, the need we all have to belong.

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