The Invisible Third: Exploring Unseen Energies in Partnerships

In this episode of 'Pickleball and Partnership,' host Charlotte Jukes introduces the concept of 'The Invisible Third,' the unseen energy that affects interactions and connections with partners, whether on the pickleball court or in personal relationships. Drawing parallels between the game of pickleball and life's partnerships, Charlotte shares a personal anecdote about her childhood, discusses the psychological basis of emotional transference, and explores the presence of synchronicities and divine connections in our lives. With interactive exercises and thought-provoking questions, she encourages listeners to become more conscious of their emotional dynamics and choose the energy they want to bring into their relationships.

00:00 Welcome to Pickleball and Partnership

02:08 Special Shoutouts

03:36 The Invisible Third: Introduction

05:31 Understanding Emotional Transference

07:50 Personal Stories and Reflections

15:32 The Power of Synchronicities

21:57 Clearing and Inviting New Energy

27:48 Final Thoughts and Farewell

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Music: Purple Planet Music
Thanks to Purple Planet Music for Pickleball & Partnership Intro and Outro music Purple Planet Music is a collection of music written and performed by Chris Martyn and Geoff Harvey.

Transcript

Charlotte J: 0:00

I want to welcome you to this episode of Pickleball and Partnership that I am calling the Invisible Third, and it's quite interesting really, because I was having a fascinating conversation with my eldest daughter actually last night. And I was talking to her about this episode title and she's why the invisible third? And we chatted back and forth and I thought, actually this could also be called the invisible second. And knowing that the Pickleball Court is a microcosm of what is going on in your life, maybe your home life, your relationship with your husband or your partner, so this is why I am calling this episode The Invisible Third, thinking about playing. With your doubles partner, in Pickleball thinking about playing life with your partner, and that could be your spouse, that could be your partner, your romantic partner, but it could also be perhaps the relationship that you have with your daughter or your son, your sister or your brother. Your mother, your father, anybody who you are in a relationship with this episode is dedicated to you and I am calling it the invisible third.

Charlotte Jukes: 1:34

This the pickleball and partnership podcast, the place to talk. Talk about building better connections with your partner. Learning how to communicate with each other and how to inject fun. Into your relationship all through the game of pickleball. If that sounds like your cup of tea. Pull up a chair grab your paddle and join me. Your host, Charlotte Jukes. For pickleball and partnership.

Charlotte J: 2:08

Before we start, I just want to give two really important special shoutouts. One is to my dear friend Julie Jo Hughes, who is just adorable. Her podcast is amazing. If you haven't listened to it, please do. And I met her for the first time last year. She is just beautiful and her podcast star Potential is amazing if you haven't listened to it. But I wanted to give a shout out to Julie Jo Hughes because she listens to my podcast episodes and her husband laughs at her because she often says, yes, the Pickleball podcast. Is deep and it brought me to tears. So I love you for mentioning that Julie Joe Hughes and the other person, a shout out to Kathy Morrison, who listened to last week's podcast episode about my Mum, and she sent me the most beautiful message. And let me know that the episode got her thinking about her Mum, remembering her Mum and the synchronicities that happened with her and her sister, and things that I was talking about last week with, the relationship with my Mum and my Mum's diagnosis and her passing, and then Neil and I finding out that we were pregnant with our first baby. So shout out to Julie Jo Hughes and Kathy Morrison. Thank you so much for listening. Okay, let's jump in here. Welcome back to the Pickleball and Partnership podcast. Today I'm diving into something very subtle but powerful, and that is the invisible energy that shows up between you and your partner, or like I said, you and. A significant other. You and a sibling. A parent, a child, you and your best friend, you and your boss. So whether you are in the kitchen, pickleball style, or whether you're in the kitchen at home, this is something that we are going to talk about. So I just want to ask you something. What if it's never just been the two of you on the court? What if it's never just been the two of you at home? In the kitchen, in the bedroom? Oh yes, I said it. I'm English and we don't talk about these things, but I said it. What if there's always a. Third presence, something unspoken, unseen, that's actually shaping your communication and your flow and your connection with that other person. And this episode is about what I call the invisible third. So it might actually. Not be a person. It may be something like an old story that you are carrying a wound, an expectation that one of you has, but sometimes it's something sacred. It's a sense of grace, an intuitive nudge. Or the presence of a loved one, whether living or past. And so today I'm going to jump in and we're going to explore all of those. Have you ever snapped at your partner on the pickleball court, or have you ever snapped at your partner in the kitchen at home and realised later it actually wasn't really about them. I. Maybe they missed a shot and suddenly you feel flooded with frustration. Maybe they didn't take the garbage out, and you feel this sense of infuriation rise up from the pit of your belly up into your throat, and it just fires itself out into the situation. In that moment you find yourself being. Completely reactive to the situation, but when you sit with it, you realise that what got activated was something much, much older. Maybe it was a fear of being unsupported or a belief. You always have to carry the team. If I don't do it, it doesn't get done. It's all on my shoulders. I have X, Y, Z to do, and it's me that has to do it. And that energy, that's your invisible third. So psychologists actually call this emotional transference. When we project past experiences onto present day people, that's emotional transference. Our brains, they're actually meaning making machines. Our brain, our ego, constantly wants to make sense of every situation. It's constantly trying to predict safety. So if your nervous system learned that mistakes mean punishment, it may bring that old fear right into the kitchen at home. Into the kitchen on the pickleball court, onto the pickleball court or whatever activity it is that you are doing with your significant other, shall we say. And it's interesting because when I say that mistakes mean punishment, that was definitely my experience and I want to share this not to place any blame, not to place any shame on. Myself or my dad, but he grew up in an environment where there was punishment. He only knew punishment and maybe his dad before him only knew punishment. I don't know, my dad has passed away. He was quite young as well. Actually. He passed away a few years after my Mum did. And he at the age of 60, I. He was diagnosed with Lewy body dementia, which was, I find so interesting because he worked for the BB, C all of his life, the British Broadcasting Corporation in England, and he spoke so. Eloquently, he commanded a room. When he spoke, people listened. He had this presence about him and his voice was really one. I loved it. I could listen to him talk forever. I remember just sitting and looking up at him and listening to him talking and listening to him, talking on the radio, and it was just beautiful. So it was quite interesting that he ended up with a very early onset dementia that really took his voice and took his presence away from him. But maybe that's another episode. My dad grew up in an environment. Where he was punished a lot. I know he didn't feel loved. I remember him telling me stories about being sent away to boarding school and not feeling that love from his parents. And that's my perception as a child, as him telling me these stories. That's my perception. So I just want to convey here that I'm not sharing any of this to place blame or to point fingers. I'm not. I'm sharing my experience. My experience growing up was that my dad was very sad and felt unloved and not. To make an excuse for him, but when I made mistakes, I was punished. I was not given room to grow, to expand, to see it as a stepping stone into pivoting or moving forward in a different way. I was punished. And here's an example. This sticks with me Every summer we used to go on holiday to a beautiful place called Charmouth in England on the coast, and we would pull our little caravan and the five of us would go for two weeks. And sometimes we would, I. Actually, I think more often than not, we would meet up with my grandparents, my dad's Mum and dad, and sometimes his younger brother, and sometimes his younger brother would come with whoever he was dating at the time, and we would all camp together. On this campsite in Charmouth and I used to love it. We played outside. We were in the sun all the time. We were at the beach. I just love these two weeks. It really signified freedom for me. So every year I was excited to arrive at the same campsite. I was very familiar with it. And one year we arrived and I think I would be maybe nine years old, nine or 10. And I was so excited and my brothers were so excited, and my dad would pull up at the office and he would get out and he would go and check the booking and find out exactly what site we were. In and this one year I don't even remember if I said anything to my Mum, but I leapt out of the car as soon as it stopped, as soon as my dad had got out to go and confirm the booking. And I ran off to go and find all the exciting, familiar places. I think there was something going on at the campsite. Yes. Because I remember standing at the edge of this circle and watching whatever was happening. And I don't even remember what it was because all I remember suddenly my dad was there behind me, gripping my arm tightly and telling me how angry he was with me for running off. And I didn't have a chance to explain my excitement and yes, I get, he was fearful. Suddenly I wasn't there. There was a big crowd. He had lost me, but it really didn't give me a sense of security and safety to be able to explore, to be able to sit and have a conversation and. Say, you know what? You need to tell somebody if you're going somewhere, or you need to just hang on and wait, and we could have all gone together to see what the excitement was. And so I really felt this sense of I couldn't trust myself, I couldn't explore, and I was punished for that mistake. I guess going back down memory lane for myself and realizing that when I make a mistake, my whole body tenses and I now bring into my consciousness, oh, this is not about the mistake that I made. This is not about. What other people may be saying about the mistake or about me. This goes way back to that fear, that old fear I had about being punished, about doing the wrong thing. And so our nervous system learns this, and this is what shows up in our adult life. Our partner, our significant other in whatever relationship we are talking about feels that Also, even if I don't say anything, I. Neil on the pickleball court, Neil at home in a situation in our relationship, feels that fear from me. He doesn't know what it is at the time, unless I share that with him and let him know what was coming up. But first, I need to be aware of that myself. I need to be aware of it, and then I need to accept that, oh yes, hello, fear. I see you. I get why you're scared. I get why you are worried about making a mistake. So we are never really just in a relationship with the other person. We are also in a relationship with our history, and we're in a relationship with their history too. So think about a time perhaps when something minor turned into a major reaction. What was really between you and the other person, what energy was playing the game with you? What energy was showing up in the relationship with you? What energy was there when. That other person didn't take the garbage out or didn't put their shoes away, or whatever that was. Now, let's shift gears a little bit because the invisible third isn't always heavy. Sometimes it's holy. Have you ever played in flow where everything clicked and it felt like you weren't thinking you were just moving? Or have you had a moment perhaps where you just knew, or maybe you just had a moment with someone else where you just knew what they needed without them saying a word, you knew they needed a hug or that hand on their shoulder, or they needed you to put the kettle on and make a cup of tea? Actually it was Carl Young who called these experiences synchronicities. Oh, I love synchronicities. They're all around us, and the universe is so juicy sending us these delicious synchronicities. We watch out for them. Those meaningful coincidences that defy logic. And Carl Young believed that there're signs that we are connected to something beyond our conscious minds. Albert Einstein said, the most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science. Doesn't that just evoke excitement within you? Honestly, I feel childlike again. Okay. I feel that excitement of arriving at the Charmouth campsite, our two week summer holiday. I feel that excitement again now because I've addressed the fear I've become aware of and accepted the fear surrounding that, surrounding my reluctance to make mistakes. I can really drop back into my body and. Feel that excitement of something new, of something mysterious and magical. And Einstein also believed in what he called spooky action at a distance. So a quantum phenomenon where two particles can instantly affect each other no matter how far apart they are. That's real science. Have you ever thought of somebody? And then in the next moment you get a text from them or they call you or something comes into your awareness connected to that person. And you're like, wow, what the heck? I was just thinking about you. Of course you were. That's the two particles that instantly affect each other even no matter the distance. I think about that with my Mum, no matter the distance, no matter the space, the time. The physical level of I'm here on Earth, she has passed into another realm, but we can still affect each other. And it mirrors what many of us feel in relationships that something unseen that's connecting us. And I've had moments on the court where I feel like. Someone is with me. Something is with me and energy. Is there perhaps a loved one who's passed or I get a download? Have any of you ever had something where it just downloads and you're like, whoa, where did that come from? An intuitive hit that says, stay calm, trust, move now. On the court in your love life, at work, wherever you may be. So this too, I think, is that invisible. Third, it's that deeper intelligence, the divine presence that. Unexplainable connection and it's there available to all of us. It's throughout the universe. Was it that episode I was talking to Siri. Yes. Siri, Baruch Thornton. Amazing episode. And I was talking about connecting with the fairies at the bottom of the garden when I was three, four years old. It's that. That deeper intelligence, that presence, and it is available to all of us. We've just forgotten. We've just forgotten that it's there, that we can connect to it, and that it's there to fill us, to guide us, to support us. So let me ask you this. When have you felt support from the unseen? Who or what have you felt with you, especially perhaps in moments of clarity or courage? Once we recognize the invisible third, we get to choose what energy we allow to play with us. Oh my gosh, this is so exciting. This is so exciting. It's that child excitement, that child energy again, that we forget. We forget. We can connect to it. Oh my gosh, I had forgotten for so many years. How to connect to that, and it's just so exciting. It's that moment when you wake up in the morning and connect to something so much bigger than ourselves and really tap into that energy. And perhaps we snuggle down a little bit. Tighter a little bit deeper into our pillow or our duvet, and we're like, oh my gosh, yes. This is contentment. This is joy. This is the feeling I am carrying into my day every day. Hey, I have an idea. Let's just do a quick clearing together. Wherever you are, let's just take a pause. If you're driving, perhaps not a good idea, but if you're in a safe place let's just take a pause and let's breathe together. Deep inhale, hold it at the top, and then exhale. Now, if you play pickleball, let's imagine that you're standing at the baseline on the court. If you don't play pickleball, first question, why aren't you playing pickleball? Go out and try. But if you haven't played pickleball yet, imagine you're on the tennis court or the basketball court, or the volleyball court, or. You can just be standing in your own kitchen at home, wherever you want to be. But if you do play pickleball, let's imagine that you're standing at the baseline. Picture your partner across from you. Now feel into the space between you, close your eyes, feel into that space. Is there tension? Is there an expectation? I. Or a memory and whatever comes up, trust it in that moment and acknowledge it and breathe. Let's take another deep breath in. Hold it, acknowledge whatever is there, and exhale. Now imagine clearing that space so you could wipe it clean like a chalkboard, grab a cloth, grab the eraser, or maybe you have a can of paint and you grab a brush and dip it in the paint, and then just paint over whatever that energy is. Let's do that now. And invite in something new. Invite in trust, curiosity, ease, joy. You get to choose the energy that you play with. So you might want to journal on this or you might want to just reflect on this, what energy do I often bring into my partnership? And again, we are talking about any partnership. Partnership on the Pickleball Court, partnership at Home, partnership at Work, partnership in any area of your life. Partnership with yourself because that's the most important relationship, your partnership with yourself. What energy do I bring to myself? What energy do I bring to the day? What energy do I bring to every situation with every other person that I meet, whether I know them or whether they're a stranger? And what am I ready to release? Ooh, that's a big one. Take a moment to think about that. What am I ready to release? And then you can release that with a big, long exhale. And what do I want to feel between us next time we play pickleball, next time we play whatever sport, next time we connect. We are never just two people playing a game. We are never just two people in a relationship. We are energetic beings in motion. We're influenced by memory, by meaning, by mystery, but the more conscious we become, the more intentional. In every part of our life, the more intentional in our game and in our relationships. So I leave you with this, what invisible energy have you been playing with and what do you want to invite in instead? The choices yours and you can try on anything. Imagine you are going into your closet now and there is a full rack of all emotions and you get to choose. Pick an emotion, pick a high vibrational emotion, joy, love. Authenticity, whatever you want, and try it on. Put it on as though you're trying on a coat, and really feel into it and see what that feels like. Really experience it. Open up all of your senses and feel it. Taste it, touch it, smell it. Listen to it. And really try on different emotions and think about what you want to invite in instead. And that closet is available to you every single day that you wake up, every single moment of that day, go into that closet in your imagination, and the brain doesn't know the difference between real and imaginary. Go into that closet. Pull off the rack, that coat or that jacket, or that beautiful shimmery dress of whatever emotion, whatever energy you want to feel and try it on. I would love to hear your stories, message me on Instagram or Facebook or send me a voice note. I want to know what your invisible third has been and what you are ready to call in. So until next time. Keep playing and keep living life with presence. Thanks so much for listening today. I hope you enjoyed that conversation as much as I did. Anything mentioned, including links, notes, and a full episode list, will be over on our website at pickleballandpartnership. buzzsprout. com. Com. If you got something outta this episode, be sure to follow or subscribe to Pickleball and Partnership on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen so that you are notified of new and upcoming episodes. And if you're finding value in this podcast, a free way to support us is to leave a 5 Star Review It truly means the world to us. This will help more people access these real conversations. And if you haven't connected with myself or Neil personally, we would love to meet you and say hi over on our Facebook page. Thanks again for listening. Please tune in next week for another exciting episode of Pickleball and partnership. Remember, we're all learning, growing, and showing up in our own ways. And that's what matters most.